Grace for Our Grieving

“Then Samuel went to Ramah, and Saul went up to his house in Gibeah of Saul. And Samuel did not see Saul again until the day of his death, but Samuel grieved over Saul. And the LORD regretted that he had made Saul king over Israel. The LORD said to Samuel, "How long will you grieve over Saul, since I have rejected him from being king over Israel? Fill your horn with oil, and go. I will send you to Jesse the Bethlehemite, for I have provided for myself a king among his sons." (1 Samuel 15:34-16:1)”

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Ministry, this side of eternity, will be marked by moments of grief, just like like Samuel's. Perhaps it will be the death of a vision, the need to discipline a trusted and influential leader, the knowledge of someone plotting against your God-given authority, sinful division among leaders, a resistant congregation, or a catalog of other difficulties that can obstruct and divert the ministry of a pastor and his congregation.

How do you deal with grief in ministry? This passage provides us with 6 observations:

1. GOD GRIEVES

It's important to remember that the God you serve is a God who grieves. He's not stoic and without passion. 1 Samuel 15:35 makes this very clear: "And the Lord regretted that he had made Saul king over Israel." Don't confuse God's grief with regret; He isn't sitting on the throne wishing he could take back his decision (see verse 29). Instead, this grief is over the sad outcome of the heart choices of Saul. The appropriateness of Samuel's grief and yours in these moments is rooted in the holy grief of God.

2. YOU SHOULD GRIEVE

What kind of prophet would Samuel be if he didn't look on this situation with great grief? The ungodly, proud, selfish, and unrestrained rebellion of Saul was this prophet's nightmare.

Pastors and ministry leaders, there are moments in local church ministry when it's not only right to grieve; it's your calling to grieve. As God's representative, you must faithfully depict the heart of God in these sad situations. You must not be uncaring. You must not be happy. You must not take a proud "I told you so" posture. Your ministry should be marked by moments of mourning in the face of the damage sin continues to do.

3. YOUR GRIEF ALWAYS REVEALS YOUR HEART

In his grief, Samuel almost lost his way. Perhaps he was wary of a tug in his heart between his love for Saul, his grief at Saul's demise, and his loyalty to the work God had called for him to do. So God says, "You've grieved long enough, now get up and do my will." The length and extent of your grief always reveals what’s important to you. The size of your grief always depicts what you’ve attached your hope to. The nature of your grief reveals what you've attached your inner well-being to.

4. SOME GRIEF BEGINS TO QUESTION GOD

Because grief challenges you at the point of the deepest values of your heart, it can tempt you to question the goodness of God. The danger of grief in your ministry is that in it you may be tempted to doubt the one whose grief you are called represent.

In these sad moments, we must be on guard against mourning morphing from, "I am so sad that . . .” into a "Why, God, did you . . ." anger. The danger is that you can’t represent well one against whom you're angry and you don't run for help to someone you've come to doubt.

5. YOUR GRIEF SHOULD MOTIVATE, NOT PARALYZE

When your grief causes you to want to quit, you know that you’re not holding your grief in a biblical way. Moments of pastoral grief should motivate you because they stand as stark and clear reminders of the important gospel work God has called you to do.

As long as sin remains, these moments of grief will stain the lives of all of God's people. It’s only when God's powerful grace finally defeats sin that our lives will be grief free. Until then, grief calls us to proclaim the grace that alone has the power to defeat what we grieve.

6. THERE'S GRACE FOR YOUR GRIEVING

We all need to remember that we never grieve alone. Because God is a God of tender mercy and grace, he weeps for and with his people. He always gives you the grace you need to do what he calls you to do in the places where he leads you. He is the God of all comfort who comforts us in our suffering so that we can bring his comfort to others.

So let yourself grieve, represent the heart of God in your grief, guard your heart against the dangers of grief, and remember the empowering grace that makes all of these things possible.

Forgiveness: The Key to Ministry Unity

There's one thing you can know for sure, pastor or ministry leader. In the course of your ministry, you’ll be sinned against.                                                                                                                    And not necessarily by the people you're ministering to, but by the people ministering alongside you.

You'll be misunderstood, falsely accused, and unfairly judged.                                                   When that happens, you can choose to carry a list.                                                                        You can give way to the temptation to punish the other person.                                                          You can choose for disappointment to become distance, for affection to become dislike, and for a ministry partnership to morph into a search for an escape.

You can taste the sad harvest of relational detente that so many church staffs live in, or you can plant better seeds and celebrate a much better harvest.                                                                  The harvest of forgiveness, rooted in God's forgiveness of you, is the kind of ministry relationship everyone wants.

Let me suggest three things that forgiveness can do for your and your ministry staff:

1. FORGIVENESS STIMULATES APPRECIATION AND AFFECTION.

When daily we forgive the people with whom we live and minister, we don’t look at them through the lens of their worst failures and biggest weaknesses. As we talk honestly, weep and pray, and repent and reconcile, our appreciation for each other grows and our affection deepens.

We quit looking at the other person as the enemy. We stop protecting ourselves from those who work and live nearest to us, choosing rather to work together to build walls of defense against the many threats to ministry relationships that exist in this fallen world.

2. FORGIVENESS PRODUCES PATIENCE.

As we respond God's way in a daily lifestyle of confession and forgiveness, we begin to experience things we never thought we’d see in our relationships. We begin to see bad patterns break, we begin to see one another change, and we begin to see love that had grown cold becomes new and vibrant again.

When we experience hard moments and God gives us the grace to not give way to powerful emotions and desires that would take us in the wrong direction, we experience the practical help and rescue his wisdom gives us again and again. All this means that we no longer panic when a wrong happens between us and those with whom or to whom we minister.

We no longer take matters into our own hands in the panic of hurt and retribution. We no longer try to be the other's conscience or judge.
No, we are much more relaxed in the face of failure and willing to patiently follow God's commit-confront-confess-forgive plan.

The hardships of ministry relationships have helped us practically to see that his grace is bigger than any difficulty we’ll ever face in our relationships.                                                               So we’re able to rest and wait, knowing that God is at work, even when ministry relationships have left us exhausted and discouraged, and that he’ll not quit working until his work in us and our relationships is complete.

3. FORGIVENESS IS THE FERTILE SOIL IN WHICH UNITY IN RELATIONSHIPS GROWS.

When you're living every day in the confession-and-forgiveness pattern of the gospel, you’re forsaking your way for a better way.                                                                             Your relationships are no longer a daily competition for who has power and who’s going to get his way.                                                                                                                                                 You no longer see the other person as a threat, wondering just when he’ll once again get in the way of your ministry desires or goals.

You’re not obsessed with your comfort, pleasure, and ease and with the fear of how or when the people near you will interrupt them.                                                                                                   No, forgiveness puts you on the same page as each other. You've both submitted your desires to the desires of Another.                                                                                                                         {You no longer try to build your own little ministry kingdoms. You now work together for God's kingdom.}

You now live with the same set of expectations and rules. You now have the same way of thinking about and addressing problems. And together you celebrate what God has given you, together being aware that you could never have done it yourselves. You now experience unity as never before, because forgiving grace has liberated you for a higher purpose and a better daily plan.

Remember, God put people in our lives not just to help us expedite our ministry plans, but to show us the better way of his grace.                                                                                                  So we learn to make war, but no longer with one another. Together we battle the one Enemy who’s after us and our ministries.                                                                                                       {As we do this, we all become thankful that grace has freed us from the war with one another that we used to be so good at making.}

Fighting for anger

The prophet Micah writes, "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God" (Micah 6:8). This passage calls us to a lifestyle of righteous anger.

Ask yourself: What will cause me to act justly? Is it not righteous indignation at the perversion of justice that causes innocent people to suffer and permits the guilty to go free? What will cause me to respond to others in mercy? Is it not anger at the suffering around you in this broken world? If you want to be part of what God is doing, will you not hate what he hates?

Suffering must not be okay with us. Injustice must not be okay with us. The immorality of the culture around us must not be okay with us. The deceit of the atheistic worldview, the philosophical paradigm of many culture-shaping institutions, must not be okay with us.

Righteous anger should yank us out of selfish passivity. Righteous anger should call us to join God's revolution of grace. It should propel us to do anything we can to lift the load of people's suffering, through the zealous ministry of the gospel of Jesus Christ and to bring them into the freedom of God's truth.

TIME TO FIGHT

What does this holy anger look like? It’s kind and compassionate. It’s tender and giving. It’s patient and persevering. It'll make your heart open and your conscience sensitive.

Though you are busy,  it'll cause you to slow down and pay attention. It'll cause you to expand the borders of your concern beyond you and yours.
It'll cost you money, time, energy, and strength.                                                                           It'll fill your schedule and complicate your life. It'll mean sacrifice and suffering.

When you're both good and angry, you won't be content with comfort and ease.                           When you're both good and angry, you won't fill your life so full with meeting your own needs
or with realizing your own ministry dreams that you've little time for being God's tool to meet the needs of others.

But all of this requires a fight.                                                                                                               Not a fight with people or social movements or political institutions. No, this is an internal fight. It’s a fight for the heart.                                                                                                                             {Sin turns all of us toward ourselves}.                                                                                                   It can make even those of us in ministry demanding, critical, cold, and self-focused.                     Sin is self-absorbed and anti-social.

Even in ministry, if left to ourselves, kindness, compassion, gentleness, mercy, love, patience, and grace don’t come naturally to us.                                                                                             {They only come when powerful, transforming grace progressively wins the fight for our hearts}. Only grace can win the fight between God's will and our will, between God's plan and our plan, between God's desire and our desire, and between God's sovereignty and our quest for self-rule.                                                                                                                                                            {As long as sin still lives in our hearts, this fight rages in every situation and location of our lives}.

It's hard to admit, but at the level of our hearts, we don't reach out to assist those in need because we simply don't care.                                                                                                         Even those in ministry have the capacity to look at the dilemmas of others and not be moved.

{Rather than serve others in the realities of their struggles, we try to co-opt others into serving our little ministry kingdoms.}

Does this all seem too negative and harsh to you? I would ask,                                                     "How much of your anger in last few weeks had anything whatsoever to do with the kingdom of God?"                                                                                                                                                  This question is convicting for me; isn't it for you?

RESCUED BY GRACE

If we're ever going to be tools of the gracious anger of a righteous and loving God, we must begin by admitting the coldness and selfishness of our own hearts.                                                {We must cry out for the rescue that only his grace can give.}                                                      We must pray for seeing eyes and willing hearts.                                                                             We must make strategic decisions to put ourselves where need exists.                                         We must determine to slow down so that when opportunities for mercy present themselves we’re not too distracted or too busy.

Most of all, those of us who've been called to represent the character and call of God in local church ministry need to pray that we would be righteously angry.                                                 {We must pray that a holy zeal for what’s right and good would so fill our hearts that the evils greeting us daily would not be okay with us.}

We must pray that we’d be angry in this way until there’s no reason to be angry anymore.       {And we must be vigilant, looking for every opportunity to express the righteous indignation of justice, mercy, wisdom, grace, compassion, patience, perseverance and love. We must be agitated and restless until his kingdom has finally come and his will is finally being done on earth as it is in heaven.}
For the sake of God's honor and his kingdom, we must determine to be good and angry at the same time.

It’s unavoidable: this week you were angry. Everyone was in some way. When you look back on your anger, what do you see?                                                                                                           Did your anger result from building your temporary kingdom or seeking God's eternal kingdom? Did your anger propel you to be a {healer, a restorer, a rescuer, and a reconciler?}                   Or did your anger leave a legacy of fear, hurt, disappointment, and division?

God calls you to be good, and he calls you to be angry at the same time.                                   This broken world desperately needs people who will answer his call.

Alone Worth Celebrating

What does it look like to celebrate grace? I think the answer is found in the beginning of Psalm 122:1-2: "I rejoiced with those who said to me, 'Let us go to the house of the Lord.' Our feet are standing in your gates, O Jerusalem."

Envision the scene here as David speaks for the average Israelite. A farmer and his family are planning their pilgrimage to Jerusalem. They’re brimming with excitement as they make their plans and preparations. They’re actually going to the tabernacle where God dwells, and they can't believe it!

They’re enjoying the same kind of excited anticipation that a family would experience as they prepare to go on a particularly wonderful vacation. They’re imagining the sights and sounds. Their hearts aren't just excited about worship. No, their hearts are filled with worship already.

They’re recounting and remembering all that God has done for them to make this pilgrimage possible. The very thought of being in the presence of God absolutely thrills them, even as it fills them with holy fear.                                                                                           They've not even begun the trip and already their hearts are overflowing with joy.

The second sentence, "Our feet are standing in your gates, O Jerusalem," advances the scene. Now the pilgrims are actually inside the walls of the holy city. They simply can’t believe they’re there, and are repeating to themselves, "I'm inside the gates. I'm inside the gates. I'm really inside the gates!" It’s almost impossible for them to take it in. They’re having trouble grasping that it’s really true. What are these Israelite's doing?                                                                {They’re celebrating the amazing grace of a sovereign Redeemer." WOW!!!!!!!!

Pastor, it's like us waking up in the morning and saying, "I'm redeemed. I'm redeemed. I'm redeemed. I can't believe that I’m one of God's children! I can't believe that God has placed his love on me. I can't believe he’s called me to {His work!} 
No, my life and ministry isn't always easy, but I'm redeemed.
No, the relationships with people around me don't always work the way they should,
but I'm redeemed. Yes, I live in a world that’s broken and doesn't operate as intended,
but I'm redeemed. Yes, I face personal and ministry disappointment,
but I'm redeemed. I can't believe it, I’m one of God's children and one {His spokesmen!"}

NEVER COMMONPLACE

Like David and all those he speaks for in Psalm 122, we can’t - we mustn't - let the grace we minister to others become commonplace to us.
We can’t let ourselves forget the awesome privilege of being God's children, a privilege we could never have earned, deserved, or achieved on our own.

We must keep in view that we’re not just instruments but also recipients of {daily grace} and will {never outgrow our need of what grace alone is able to provide}.
We must remind ourselves that because of that grace, obedience is a privilege, worship is a privilege, sacrifice is a privilege, and ministry is a privilege.

The fact that we would ever choose to do any of these things is a sure sign of the transforming grace of God operating in our hearts.

Apart from God's gift of grace I’d make up my own laws, worship the creation, sacrifice only for what would bring me personal comfort and pleasure, and seek to be served rather than looking for ways to serve others.

We can’t let the busyness and pressures of ministry cause us to grow complacent.                  We cannot be comfortable with being forgetful. We can’t let our worship and leading others in worship decay into a weekly participation in a service.
At that point, ministry becomes mere religious routine rather than an expression of heartfelt worship of God.

But when we celebrate grace in our hearts and allow ourselves to be gripped by the amazing privilege of being God's children, we go to lead a service of worship as those who have already been worshiping.
It’s the difference between passive and active, between absorbing and participating, between a focus on self and a focus on the
 "One who came to save us from ourselves".

ONLY HE IS WORTHY

Apart from Christ, there simply is nothing else in life that’s remotely worthy of this kind of celebration and adoration.
Accomplishing the ultimate in ministry success, completing the most amazing physical achievement, gaining fantastic riches, attaining ministry influence and respect, receiving the highest honor in the eyes of others, seeing the most beautiful thing human eyes could ever see, consuming the most exotically delicious food ever prepared, becoming the wisest person on earth, or being loved by another human being in the most beautiful way ever -

{none of these things is half as worthy of the celebration that should fill our hearts at the stunning recognition that by his grace, the love of God has actually been placed on us forever.} 

As the book of Ecclesiastes so vividly portrays, and as Philippians 3:8-11 powerfully affirms, all these other things seem vain and empty, fleeting and temporary when placed next to the surpassing greatness of knowing God.

So, pastor, how does this celebration of grace ignite your ministry? Permit me to explain in a step-by-step way:

• When you face how deep your need of God's love is, you will celebrate grace.
• When you celebrate grace, you will come to love the King of grace more deeply.
• When you love the King of grace more deeply, you will get excited about the work of his kingdom of grace.
• When you get excited about the work of the kingdom of grace, zeal for this kingdom will color the way you respond to the situations and relationships you face as you live in and lead the broken community that is the church.
• And as you live with eyes that see the work of God's kingdom of grace and a heart that loves it, you will give grace to those around you. In so doing, you will minister more faithfully, enthusiastically, and productively than you ever have before in the place where God has put you.

So, pastor, are you a celebrant? Has your life taken on a joy and focus that would not be possible any other way? Or in the course of your ministry, has the truly awesome become merely commonplace? Has the search for ministry comfort and satisfaction consumed you more than the celebration of the spiritual realities that should now define you and your work? Has remembrance decayed into forgetfulness? Have you lost your first love?

If so, confess your forgetfulness. Seek God's help for your distraction. Commit yourself to a life and ministry of celebration, knowing that this includes being a soldier in the ongoing war for your own heart. And remember that you’re not alone; there’s daily grace for every one of those battles.

Now, isn't that worth celebrating?

One Ministry, Two Kingdoms

It took God employing hardship for me to embrace the inescapable reality that everything I did in ministry was done in allegiance to, and in pursuit of, either the kingdom of self or the kingdom of God. This truth is best exegeted for us in Matthew 6:19-34.

I'm convinced that this passage elaborately unpacks the thoughts, desires, and actions of the kingdom of self. Notice the turn in Matthew 6:33, where Jesus says, "But seek first the kingdom of God." The word BUT tells us this verse is the transition point of the passage. Everything before it explains the operation of another kingdom, the kingdom of self. This makes the passage a very helpful lens on the struggle between these two kingdoms in everyone's heart.

I want to examine four treasure principles that emerge from this passage that I find helpful as I seek to examine the motivations of my own heart in ministry. I have included plenty of personal reflection questions for you to consider, and since you don't always see yourself with accuracy, you could use this as a small group/devotional resource with your fellow pastors or elders or ministry leaders.

1. You will be treasure oriented in your ministry

God designed us to be value-oriented, purpose-motivated beings. God gave us this capacity because he designed us for worship. So what you do and say in ministry is always done in pursuit of some kind of treasure. I’ll explain in an article to follow how few things that we treasure are intrinsically valuable. Most treasures have an assigned value.

This side of eternity, here's what happens to all of us: things begin to rise beyond their true importance and set the agenda for our thoughts, desires, choices, words, and actions. What’s the battle of treasure about? It’s daily working to treasure what God says is important in our Personal lives and ministries. What's important to you in ministry?

2. Your ministry treasures will command the allegiance of your heart

Jesus says, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." The heart, being the summary term for the inner man, could be characterized as the causal core of your person-hood. What Jesus says here is profound. He's saying there's a treasure war being fought at the center of what makes you think what you think, desire what you desire, and do what you do.

Whether you’re conscious of it or not, your words and actions reflect your effort to get out of ministry what's valuable to you. What are the deep heart desires that shape your everyday words and actions?

3. What captures the allegiance of your heart will shape your ministry actions, reactions and responses.

Remember that by God's design, we're worshipers. Worship isn't first an activity; worship is first our identity. That means everything you and I do and say is the product of worship. So the treasures (things that have risen to levels of importance in my heart) that rule the thoughts and desires of my heart will then control the things I do.

The war between these two kingdoms in ministry is not first a war of behavior; it's a war for the functional, street-level ruler-ship of my heart. If I lose this deeper war, I'll never gain ground in the arena of my words and actions. What do your words and actions reveal about what's truly important to you?

4. Your functional treasures are always attached to the kingdom of self or the kingdom of God.

Christ gives us only two options. Either I've attached my identity, meaning, purpose, and inner sense of well-being to the earth-bound treasures of the kingdom of self or to the heavenly treasures of the kingdom of God. This is an incredibly helpful diagnostic for pastoral ministry.

Consider these questions:

• The absence of what causes us to want to give up and quit?
• The pursuit of what leads us to feeling over-burdened and overwhelmed?
• The fear of what makes us tentative and timid rather than courageous and hopeful?
• The craving for what makes us burn the candle at both ends until we have little left?
• The "need" for what robs ministry of its beauty and joy?
• The desire for what sets up tensions between ministry and family?

Could it be that much of our stress results from seeking to get things out of ministry that it will never deliver? Could it be that we're asking ministry to do for us what only the Messiah can do? Could it be that in our ministries we're seeking horizontally what we've already been given in Christ? Could it be that this kingdom conflict is propelled and empowered by functional, personal gospel amnesia?

When I forget what I've been given in Christ, I’ll tend to seek those things out of the situations, locations, and relationships of my ministry. In what ways are you tempted to seek from your ministry what you've already been given in Christ?

The biggest protection against the kingdom of self is not a set of reformative defensive strategies. It's a heart so blown away by the right-here, right-now glories of the grace of Jesus Christ that you're not easily seduced by the lesser temporary glories of that claustrophobic kingdom of one, the kingdom of self. The problem is that no matter how committed I am to the big kingdom, I’m always grappling with the dynamic of shifting treasure.